Memorial day fear 5-23-08

Memorial day fear 5-23-08
Peter Macdonald 465 Packersfalls rd Lee NH 03824 603-659-6217
As a 17 year old U.S. Marine I had fear every day of dieing before ever seeing the U.S. I am a 100% disabled veteran and my first injury was a brain injury from a car accident here in the U.S. right out of boot camp. Because of a administration error I was shipped overseas with no memory at all. I learned and survived as a Marine and rose to the rank of Sergeant. I was injured twice more during separate combat support missions. I to this day do not remember family or any other part of life before the accident. As a Marine I learned to set pain, fear and emotions aside to complete every mission at all costs. The fear of waking up in the morning and not knowing if you will survive to enjoy the slop for breakfast. The fear of command and will you be able to follow every one or will you be able to order those under you to their death.
I relive my first kill every day since I came back to the “world” U.S. I never talked about my life in the MC until I wrote a book a few years ago. When I came home I was Spit on at the airport and called a baby killer. Just last week when I was talking at a bar, the bartender heard me and said what we did as Marine’s was wrong. Fear of will I handle the responsibility of being an American Advisor to men that did not speak my language. Fear of what to do when confronted by the enemy deep in the “Bush”. Fear of what to do when taken by force to the enemy camp. Fear of what to do when I escape and I am confronted on the path back to the convoy by the armed guard. Fear of what to do when I remove my bayonet from his gut and realize he is just a child. Fear of how do I report this because I diverted five trucks from the convoy. I disobeyed orders so these drivers could see family they had not seen in months. Fear of coming back to a land from the Vietnam Conflict that I did not belong.
Fear of meeting friends and family that I did not know. Fear of “round eyed girls” American girls that I did not remember ever speaking to before. The joy of seeing bill boards in English. The fear of being dropped into a civilized society that did (or could) not accept me. The fear of dropping to the ground when a car back fires and others laugh at you. The fear to fit into a society that you had no memory of but as a Marine you had to adjust. The fear to know that no matter what your country always comes first.
As a U.S. Marine I could never show my fear. Not even when my own NH government put me in jail as a terrorist. NH has the State and local police along with the Strafford county sheriff harass my family. NH governor Lynch charges me money to hear my complaints and stiffs me. The VA stops my medical for service related injuries to benefit the illegal criminal acts of the NH gov. The VA inspector general ignores my complaints. My biggest fear is this Memorial day you praise our Military for what we do but despise our actions because you do not understand. NH elected officials refuse to read my letters in public. The newspapers censor my letters for fear the truth will come out.
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi