Positive thinking 5-10-08

Positive thinking 5-10-08
Peter Macdonald 465 Packersfalls rd Lee NH 03824 603-659-6217
I want to talk about good today. I had coffee at Young’s restaurant this morning only to learn about a friends death. Linda Bishop was someone that I knew many years ago when she worked at Horse Feathers in Dover NH. I only knew her to talk to but she was like a magnet of joy that spread to me because from her. A waitress at Young’s reminded me of her, then it clicked where I knew her from. I read the newspaper article about her final years on earth. My mental tunnel formed as I emerged in a friendly village deep in the “Bush” where we would spend the night. I was sitting eating my C-rats next to a 5 year old boy. No one spoke American. We would sleep with eight other people in a hooch (shack) 12’x12’ that night. Children played with spent ammo parts or carved wood made into toys. I tried to understand if life was like this back in the states “World”. I had no memory of the U.S. because of a Brain Injury. I had learned a while back sitting in a benjo ditch to avoid free fire waiting for a squad of planes to return that the best way to avoid fear was to make the best out of the situation. A brother Marine told me he thinks of good times back in the U.S. “World” just to escape the realities of his lingering death. I understood this is how other Marines accept the unknown so I started using it in order to be a good Marine. I would make up stories from ones I heard other Marines talk about. I would dream of the “round eyed” girls that I was writing too. I was now sitting in a restaurant in NH trying to understand how Linda could have been that young girl. Linda was like millions of other U.S. citizens trying to make a future for herself. How could I forget that I knew her? How could I forget that little boy?
I try to understand how the VA , NH judges and government officials can violate the law that we gave our lives to preserve and no one cares. Mental illness is a growth only the weak allow. Suicide is a sword of life to stop the silent voices of reality. I grow each day to try to understand that which I do not remember. The VA stops a 100% disabled veteran’s medical which tells me my pain is not real. The State, local Police and sheriff harass and intimidate as a way to remind me the horrors of the friendly villages could be my place for eternity. I volunteer each day to help others as a way so I can say thanks to those that gave so I could come back to the “World”. Volunteering helps people like that of young girls that I wrote many years ago have a better future. Maybe some day I will be lucky enough to meet Linda in a friendly village in eternity.
The good of this letter is that may be I can make the United States understand our children (Military) “in country” mental state. Suicide is accepting the reality that we can not change. The ones that commit suicide over there understand they do not belong back here. The ones that commit suicide back here learned that civilized society did not want to accept what they now came home as. Us weak minded ones continue with the hope that the tunnel stop the silent and life will get better.
The newspapers will not print this opinion, this is why we do not belong back here. Our words are silent because civilized society does not want us. I was injured twice more in separate combat support missions. The Boston Globe and VA tell me to commit suicide. No one cares. Linda and that little boy, I hope life is better where every you are now. My wish is that this good letter makes you understand positive thinking.
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi