What is Left-all hope lost 9-9-08

What is Left-all hope lost 9-9-08
Peter Macdonald 465 Packersfalls Rd Lee NH 03824 603-659-6217
When all fails is there any hope left. I saw Dr Dan yesterday and he showed me how many Veterans Administration officials read and send him each of my letters. How can so many be aware of the crimes of discrimination and many other crimes inflicted on a disabled veteran and no one cares. My file has been Red Flagged to harass me, so it is assumed that I am dangerous. When I came back over thirty years ago from a conflict I swore that I would never raise a hand toward fellow U.S. citizen. I have not. I have knowingly allowed others the hit me and I still refused. I will fight for what is right but I will not be violent. I every day go out of my way to volunteer to help others. The VA stopped my medical care to harass me. I am 100% service connected disabled. Three of my four disabilities are combat related. My file shows that my medical has been restated but the care is limited. I came back from a conflict with no memory of being in the U.S. before (TBI). I took classes in the Marine Corps on writing letters so that I could communicate (with people that called them my family but were strangers to me) during my 31 months overseas.
I am running for NH state senate yet the newspapers purposely discredit my character in the public eye. I have publicly stated, Judge Peter Fauver criminally violated the Constitution to harm U.S. citizens. My words ring loud and clear but no one wants to hear me. The NH supreme court covered up the crimes presented to them. Elected officials criminally harm me because I volunteer to help a Madbury family that Fauver used the power of the court to criminally harm. The Madbury selectmen did not like this family so they used the trusted power of government to seek revenge on, for personal reasons. Judge Fauver knowingly approved these crimes. Lawyers and the court refused to help this family so they were so desperate that they asked me because they read a letter to the editor that I wrote. I learned in the Marine Corps to help brother U.S. citizens when government officials commit wrongs to harm others, so I volunteered. The facts in this case are documented and uncontested yet no one cares. The newspapers have criminally violated the trust of the American people by refusing to tell the truth. The newspapers have ethically violated the trust of the American people by refusing to print my opinion letters. The newspapers have criminally violated the Constitution by purposely printing knowingly biased articles to aid one candidate over another.
Crimes by the VA go beyond reality but no one cares. The director of the Manchester NH VA administration told me in person to commit suicide. The state police come to my home to inform me governor Lynch would prefer my suicide. The Boston Globe puts it in writing asking me to commit suicide. The facts are clearly documented but no one cares. I can write great letters but I have a memory problem. I walk 3-6 miles a day but sometimes they take longer than they should. When I feel like my world is falling apart I slip behind a dumpster, under a porch or maybe into the woods so others will not witness my event. Any where’s from a few minutes to hours later I will come back sweating some times when the temperature is less that 30degrees (only to where). I look around for the enemy “gooks”. Nothing is clear, where am I. I walk trying to understand what country I am in. At some point I recognize a street or building and the scared U.S. Marine becomes a grown up living back in the U.S. I have done this for over thirty years since I came back. I have gone out of my way to keep my medical condition from the public eye. I have a broken back, so how do I walk. I live with the pain because to do less would mean to live with out doing any thing. I broke my back during a Vietnam offensive while trying to get one of my men out of harms way. I can only hear certain frequencies so I miss a lot of what others tell me. I lost my hearing being blown off a runway during another Vietnam offensive. A few years ago the VA diagnosed me with PTSD because I finally told others about my continuous visions of what I did as a U.S. Marine. Does the VA director, NH governor, Boston Globe and others not thing that I want to die. I have set out many times to do just that. Even today I hear other citizens talking about how what “we” as U.S. Military do is in-moral. The question exists in my mind that I should feel guilty or ashamed for my actions but I do not. People talk about how it is wrong to harm another human being but I have killed with out emotion or feelings. Are the conflicts in my mind justified? Did! I will my self back to the U.S. but I am really still lying in a ditch deep in the “Bush” dead? Is my suicide justified or just the wish of the people in charge? Can a dead person die again?
NH to stop my volunteer help for this Madbury family a few years ago declared me a terrorist and put me in jail. The reality of American Advisor on a convoy where the enemy captured me. A scared 17 year old Marine adjusted and understood the situation was normal and every Marine goes thorough this. (I had no memory to justify different) My hands were tied behind my back and I was placed beside a camp fire deep in the “bush”. Two sat around and laughed and hit me while drinking rice wine, the other walked the perimeter. When the two fell asleep I freed my hands took my bayonet and left. I encountered the other a few seconds later in the dark. Realizing when I pulled my bayonet out this enemy was a lot younger than me. Proud, successful and scared this Marine took my M-16 back, then ran to the friendly village where the convoy had stopped for the night. With no memory of what is real I actually believed that this was normal. NH dropped the bogus charges but the loss of my freedom for 6 months finally brought out my life is not reality.
I have done everything possible every day for over thirty years since I came back to a place that I do not belong, to help others and make the U.S. a better place. I do not want or will I accept your pity. I want the U.S. to realize that Veteran’s have defended the U.S. but it is all our jobs to see that no one right of any one individual is taken by the wrongs committed by the government. You all speak great words but few if any will take any action unless it is for your own profit. Where does a 100% service connected disabled Veteran go when it is the Veteran’s Administration and government knowingly committing crimes to cause a suicide. You have no idea how close I come every day to granting the government’s wish, not for them but for you, because I care about the U.S.
Does reality really exist or did I come back to a place that I do not belong?
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi