Deep, Dark, Cloud VA 3-21-09

Deep, Dark, Cloud VA 3-21-09
Peter Macdonald 465 Packersfalls Rd Lee NH 03824 603-659-6217
A deep dark cloud seems to be at the edge of my mind. It is like I have no idea when it will control my thoughts. I felt it coming yesterday as I finished my letter. It is like I have seen a new light, of that my wife and three daughters have a love for me. Is there feelings here from me that I do not understand? It is as thought I do not really know them. It is the feeling of not understanding where I am or what? The want to stop living is like a deep dark wall that invites me to go. I ask my self if I do write these letters can this be a safety control of the mind to make me live when there is no hope? Can anyone justify why a letter of such criminal acts can go as if they do not exist, unless the fact is they are just in my mind? Do I have to explain to my self that I have no memory. What is memory. I remember what I did. Did I really do that? Can I really write? What is Reality? I can not explain to others what is going on in my mind for many reasons. The first is that no one could conceive that a mind as mine could exist. If it does exist it is not right and must be disposed of. How can I have such thoughts and not be able to solve a solution within my self? Does a cloud exist or am I dead and this is what a Marine is to spend their eternal life in? It is called H-ell.
Should the Veteran’s administration have stopped my medical care for service related disabilities? Is it right to use medical care to stop a disabled veteran from exposing judge Peter Fauver’s criminal acts to harm intentionally other U.S. citizens? Can the Madbury NH selectmen use government powers for personal retaliation against other local resident just because the selectmen do not want this family in their town? Do law and a Constitution exist in the United States to stop government officials from committing such crimes against the peace and dignity of the United States of America? Do newspapers have ethics not laws that make them print the truth no matter whom that it may expose. As I lay here on the side of the runway watching the dots of light when the flack attempts to hit the fighter jets that we imagine are there. The horizon lights up in burst of bright orange and yellow light as the bombs explode destroying the families of those that will mortar us later. In a few hours the squad will return some with damage from the flack as the now not so imaginary planes put us to work. Do we really exist? Can my imagination expose such crimes in a story be real or will I get the chance to live long enough to come home to the land where the Rights of the People come first. Can the deep, dark, cloud every leave this benjo ditch?
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi