You have no Idea 12 23-08-pm

You have no Idea 12 23-08-pm
Peter Macdonald 465 Packersfalls rd Lee NH 03824 603-659-6217
You have no idea what goes through my mind in a flash at the worst or most inconvenient time. The rush to just want to die. To kill myself to end the feelings of why? To attempt understand reality. The miss understandings of why I came back. Is this real? While serving in the Marine Corps nothing made since but the act to attempt to live to see the next day and be alive. To see a world that I had no memory of ever seeing before. The United States. I do not belong in a civilized society because I killed with a bayonet to get my M-16 back and escape. I was proud to have passed the final test to be called a US Marine. Now everyone that finds out calls me a baby killer. I could justify what I was doing by believing that every one followed orders. I came back to a world that I had no idea of. No one believed that my situation was real. Doubt and miss trust was all over the place with every one that I met. I was, am considered paranoid. I am in a world that I do not belong. I am traveling down in a deep hole while at the same time seeing what I have done evolve around me. Situations are thrown at me, but they are inconsistent and conflict with the meaning of what I thought that I understood from learning from others. People tell me to write on Blogs and send letters on the Web. Others tell me to get off the public blogs that I do not belong. VA Dr’s tell me that that my medical condition is not real. Others tell me my symptoms are wrong for what I am claiming. People tell me opinion letters are an important part of being a civilian and a part of the newspapers, yet mine are disbelieved but true. People are instructed to follow the law, yet some special class of people do not have to. Judge’s violate the Constitution and the NH Supreme Court approves it. I keep asking if this is eternity for a U.S. Marine to dream conflicting thoughts while my body becomes permanently lost in a benjo ditch in south east Asia.

12-24-08 This is one situation that I go through every day. I wrote this first Paragraph out while it was occurring last night. You (the Public) can label me what ever adjectives that you want. My medical condition is what happens to those willing to go off to protect and defend a Constitution. A Constitution that You (the Public) deny Veteran’s the right to be protect by. I have times when I am just like the rest of you interacting with others. I have violated no laws and I volunteer every day to help others. What makes me different from others is my medical conditions. This is not unique to me though. There are many Veterans going through worse than I. We had no right to come home to a world that does not want to accept what we became and that we do not belong.
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi