To Editors and VA DR’s 1-15-08

To Editors and VA DR’s 1-15-08
Peter Macdonald 465 Packersfalls rd Lee NH 03824 603-659-6217
Caught between a rock and a hard spot. That is the way I would classify the VA Dr Potenza. Here is a man that cares about his patients, yet the system dictates to what degree he can treat Veteran’s in need. Out of the blue Dr Dan called me yesterday just to see how I was doing. I am doing fine I told him. I could not tell him differently because that would give the VA a reason to take my freedom. WE talked about my pain medication that I asked the VA for over a month ago. I only take drugs if the pain is so bad that I just can not take it any more. I live in pain every day so it must be pretty bad for me to want medication, seeing that my last prescription lasted over 5 year and it was not that many pills. My pain comes and goes in it’s severity. The VA fixes my medical records so if some one reads them it shows the care given is adequate. If some one reviewed my medical records it would show the VA person in charge of NH asked me to commit suicide. My records should show my care is limited and sub-standard Dr Dan asked me about a letter that I wrote. I explained at most times I do not remember writing my letters. What I put in my letters are my emotions at the time that I am writing. My letters are true even though I do not remember some of the events described in those letters for weeks, months or even years later, if ever. My letters are from a Marine with a head injury that the VA uses to harm my character to keep the public from understanding. Described as a loose cannon, nut, danger and many more degrading comments to help the VA win a publicity war against me. Paranoid No. I may have a head injury and three other military connected disabilities but I understand situations. The news refuses to inform the public of my volunteering every day to help others. I am not a danger.
I fully understand my two worlds and that I can not justify with logic. This is why for over 30 years I never mentioned it. Society just can not accept. I understood a few years after discharge the unwritten rule that veteran’s do not talk about certain events in their lives. Silence, lonely ness, self destruction will to, full-fill our obligation to protect this society rather than speak about what keeps them free. Society uses veteran’s medical conditions to label us to use as an alarm to protect the tax budget and projects to aid in elections. It is easier to stay silent than give society a weapon to take what little self respect we have left. Veteran’s seldom speak of this part of their lives with family or friends because it will destroy perceptions of what we try to be since coming home. Most people will probably not understand what I am talking about because civilized society can not admit what we did. The perfect example is the newspapers censoring my opinion letters because their readers will give bad reviews. Communication is what makes a society better. Dr Dan wants to understand but knows that he will never know fully.
Do I want to die. No one wants to. I want to get out of this benjo ditch of eternity. I wrote a book about my tour in the Marine Corps and life with amnesia. I am not an idiot or a danger. I am a 100% disabled veteran that the VA is trying to help the NH government take my free speech away. The newspapers do not want to publish my opinion letters because society can not accept. Dr Dan is a good person caught between a rock and a hard place. My VA medical was stopped to stop me. Coming home is worse than being there. Dr Dan is a good person and I wish that I could talk to him, but I will answer to my demons and no one can stop me. Who’s the Rock and what Hard Place?
Peter Macdonald Sgt USMC Semper Fi Thank You Dr Dan